In Love or On Drugs?

Gonna have to face it you’re addicted to ~~love~~ dopamine.

Scientific reason #2 that we are so attracted to those people that are off-again, on-again or are not fully into us or not totally available is because of intermittent reward systems.

There was a study done with rats.

When the rats were rewarded continuously for pressing a lever for a treat - they’d keep pressing it for the treat.

Then the scientists made the treat dispensing unpredictable.

There was no pattern to the rewards - they were rare and random.

Guess what? The mice became OBSESSED and pressed the lever HARDER.

The mice ignored taking care of themselves and just cared about trying to get that fricken treat.

THEY WERE ADDICTED to trying to CONTROL the responses/treats.

YOU ARE A RAT! And so am I! 🐭

This is why we feel and act so crazy about the guy who isn’t all in. The guy who’s not sure if he wants a relationship or is going through a divorce. The hot cold guy.

Let's say you like someone and they text you consistently - you get a dopamine hit.

But if you like them and they are inconsistent, sporadic, you don't know when it's coming - the dopamine hit you get when you get a touch from them, hang out with them, get a text from them, is like 50% more than it would be if they were consistent and you knew you could count on it.

So we are sorta chemically addicted to that dopamine hit.

We think it's chemistry, we think it's love, but it's the drug.

Our primal brains our screaming at us to get another dopamine hit from them!

So what the elf do you do with this information????

❶ Becoming more aware. When you have that super uncomfortable craving to reach out. To get their text response. To get their attention - know your primal/reptilian brain is like a meth addict needing a hit. That all that pull and desire is your brain desperately wanting another dopamine hit. It doesn’t mean that guy is “the one”.

❷. Make a list of all the reasons this person isn’t good for you. Read it when you get the urge to reach out to them.

❸. Practice telling yourself and believing - I’m learning to choose my long term relationship goals over this short term impulse I’m having right now to get his attention.

❹. Get really clear on and write down what you do want in your dream relationship. The most important qualities and values you want your dreamboat to possess - like kindness, ability to love and be loved, wants and is available for relationship with you…

This intermittent reward system is what draws us to gambling, social media, and some of the dating apps too. 😱

NOW go watch the reel I did right before this one on the other science behind our attraction to unavailable men!

Need help letting go of someone so you can move on to find the love of your dreams - let’s chat. Schedule a free coaching session with me. 💋